I'm so fucking centered right now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
