You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
