i may or may not be watching the land before time
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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