New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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