awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
