Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
