Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
