Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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