hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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