apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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