Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
