it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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