I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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