i think my tv is drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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