oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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