I've blown a few things in my day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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