my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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