My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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