The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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