I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
