Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
