yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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