i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
