I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
