Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
