i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
