Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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