pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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