Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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