I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
