Are we in a gay sports bar?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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