no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
