I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
