my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
