There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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