My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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