did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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