If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
