Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
