I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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