I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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