i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
