I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
