the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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