# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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