i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
