He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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