Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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