When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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