Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
