Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
