I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She said her name was "party"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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