hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
