I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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