Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
