Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
