we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
