don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
