I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
