afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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