those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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