I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
