u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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