I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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