I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dignity is for republicans.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.