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• (512): View more from Texas

  My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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• (951): View more from California

  ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?

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