My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?