Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
