I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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