So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
