oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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