omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
