Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
