He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh god it's open bar.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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