I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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