I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
