she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
